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101 things going thru my mind right now....
12.07.04 (5:22 am)   [edit]

Here's some things about me!! I got this idea from anastacia who i think got the idea from someone else!!


1. I have 3 wonderful children whome i love, kaleb 5 elijah 3 and christopher 6 weeks!


2. i am happily married for almost 3 years...but we have been together for 7 yrs!


3. I love God but i know i don't always do things His way but am working on that slowly but surely.


4.I am in college and be finished this year if it wasnt for my undecisivness. I have changed my major several times and am changing it once more..to Business!!


5. I am a business owner...Forever Flowers...we sell flowers to the flower shops wholesale!!


6. I can't stand it when i'm driving down the road and people are waiting to turn out onto the highway and they wait until i get right up on them before they deicde to go, when they have had ample oppurtunity to go before i got so close!!


7. i sometimes just want to ram my car into the back of them but i know thats not right and it would be my fault so i don't.


8. i try to surpress these feelings. Somedays it works somedays it doesnt!!!


9. I think i drive very well, never had a wreck once.


10.My husband says i drive like a nutcase, he's not the only who has said so.


11. I think something is wrong with him and these other people, they have mawmawsyndrome or something!!


12. My parents are divorced. as a child i wished they would get back together, they did just not the way i wanted!!


13. I got older and realized my dad was way too strict for his own good so i gave up wishing.


14. After i moved out of the home i began to wish they would get back together again!!!! Thye won't my mom thinks he's gross!!..lol


15. My dad is a womanizer, when he's finished with one he moves on to the next!


16.He likes chics that can drink as much or more than him, with big boobs!!


17. I love my daddy, just not his choices in women.


18. My favorite thing to eat is a chicken sandwich with mayo onions and cheese only, i realize this may be gross!!!


19. chili instead of fries when i do Wendy's! and they better give me my hot sauce!!


20. I do not have many friends by choice i suppose.


21. It does get lonely sitting around the house with only my mom or my aunt or my grandma or husband to call. After three days of talking to everyone except hubby i run out of things to talk about with them.


22. The kids really make my day.


23. I'm really shy!!


24. Trying to get over that too.


25. I bite my nails way too much, i also realize this too may be gross!!


26. I have this unnatuaral thing against sheets. They feel dirty wrapped around my legs. Flannel sheets for me Thank You!!!


27. I wish and pray for my period then when it comes i loathe it and everyone around me!!


28. I was a really really bad girl when i was younger.


29. I'm so glad things changed for me.


30. I'm really glad i didnt get killed before i had the chance to see the error of my ways!


31. I took a whole lot of spanish in school and in college.


32. Couldn't hold a conversation in spanish to save my life!!


33. My dad is spanish, he is from Costa Rica!!


34. I have been to Costa Rica, twice, it was lovely there.


35. i may be a blog addict.


36. It's the only place now that i have to vent!


37. My husband doesnt deal well with my venting, he feels as if somehow things are his fault.


38. Maybe i have a way of doing that to him.


39. I'm sorry honey bunny!!


40. I love love love Mug rootbeer!!!


41. Of course my husband loves Barq's! go figure!


42.I'm trying to lay off the soda's though.


43. I think i have smoked way too much marijuana in my life.


44. I think its better than having done way too much of other drugs though.


45. I think i still have all my brain cells!!


46. I was on the dean's list for 2 years while smoking!! Din't seem to hurt me then.


47. I have qutie smoking but still wonder why i can't do it anymore


48. i watch too much t.v.


49. Lifetime to be exact.


50. I  watch cartoons too...


51. even when my kids arent around i find myself watching mister rogers or clifford or something.


52. my favorite cartoon is Tom and Jerry!!! they are hilarious


53. i need to exercise


54. i rarely ever feel like it though...


55..hey quite hitting the t.v elijah...


56. i think im gonna bring the tv back, its way too big and way too expensive for elijah to be hitting it


57 we got it from a rent to own place so i can bring it back...


58. it really deosnt do anything for me to have such a huge t.v.


59. i told my husband not to get it, did he listen...nooooo


60. i finally got him to haul off this entertainment stand that sat in the corner of my unusually huge living room for months


61. i want one with doors on the front with a lock and key so my kids cant destroy anymore movie cases...


62. or movies!!


63. or my dvd players and vcr.


64. we have already gone thru 2 dvd players with these kids...


65. i THINK they broke them but not sure so i brought them back to the store..lol


66. maybe that was bad but hey what was i gonna do with them...


67. i do that alot...bring stuff back to the store....even if it isnt broke


68. sometimes i feel guilty about having bought something for myself so i bring it back and then buy something for my kids or something that can be for all of us.


69. maybe thats why i have no clothes.


70. yesterday after taking my new pants off, i realized they were ripped on the butt part!!


71. how nice now i have 2 pairs of pants total.


73. of course after having the baby i dont fit in the others


74. my goal is to fit in them again!!


75. hope i get there.


76. i'll have to lay off the meds if i want that


77. i cant though


78. God said he is gonna heal me...


79. i really believe that too!!


80. so i wait!


81. my husband use to be on drugs really bad...


82. so to support him i went to n.a. with him...


83. a few seprate times too.


84. people didnt think smoking marijuana was a problem


85. so i just sat there quietly and listened


86. some of these people were really messed up in the head.


87. i felt bad for them....


88. so in these meeting i noticed that they only switch addictions..


89. instead of drugs they have tons of coffee, caffine is a drug hello!!!


90. and eat tons of snickers.


91. my husband got fat eating boxes and boxes of snickers...


92. whats the point if they are only subsituting...


93. i had to ban him from going to the store..


94. i'm fat...


95, dont need him getting fat too


96.  now hes skinny again...sexy thing!!!


97. he was sexy  fat too..lol


98. i love him soo much....women stay away from my man!!!


99. he cheated on me once..i was 9 months pregnant


100...isnt that nice his pyschiatrist said it was hypersexuality...what an excuse they uise for these manic depressive people.


101...Hes no longer bi polar...God has healed him!!!! hasnt had meds in over 3 yrs...and hes fine!!! the last doc he saw said he didnt have it anymore so there science agreeed!!


 
 
Used Car slimeballs
12.04.04 (7:59 am)   [edit]
Yesterday my landlord came over to collect her rent!!which she cant put the check into the bank until monday afternoon anyway!! She caught my house a mess!! toy piles all over the living room where elijah made play stations that he moved from each time he got bored. there was an ash tray over flowing on the desk and i had just finished smoking a cig!! I assured her that it isnt always this messy but luckily she understood about the toys. Now the writings on the walls by my lovely 3 yr old and 5 yr old was another story!! The person who lived here before was very tacky and had a border going across the walls in the middle or so she thought!!! i tore it off, it was hideous. In  the other living room, theres two, there is about 5 different kinds of wall paper that i just letting the kids tear off because its quit sickening to me!! Im beginning to really hate wall paper!! I told her we are having someone come over to fix a spot on the wall where the chair was smashed into it by the kids again...and to have it painted. she was happy. Anyway she asked what we were gonna do with the funky junky car under the carport. She said a lady at her church needs a car badly because shes about to have to puill her kids out of school and homeschool them since they have no transportaion. i was willing to jusdt give it to her. It runs fine, new engine, new starter, new tires, its just looking bad on the outisde because it was stolen and wrecked and my hubby who just loves to hug the side of the road was changing the radio station one night during a rain storm and got a bit too close to the side of the road slid off and hit a mound of mud and grass!!! what a freak he is, and he wonders why i fuss at him. I  still owe some money on it according to the used car slimeball. This car has given me nothing but problems from day one. The only reason we got itwas because it was an automatic and i couldnt drive our much nicer standard. Thats another story as to why we did the trade to begin with!! Anyway the first day we drove it home after we washed it it wouldnt start. we called the dealer and he came and gave us a jump...wouldnt even buy a new battery for it!! Then after that we checked the spark pulgs which disintergrated in our hands. It has left me stranded on the interstate countless times and the last time because it threw a rod!!! How nice. So i called him and aske dhim to go thru his notes and see what he came up with the we owed and i would do the same thing. We both came upo with the same amount 1650. which he was supposed to take 1000 off for the new engine but he of course doesnt remember that. Plus the times when we were poor my husband worked for him and that was supposed to go towards the car. He only worked for him like a week before he decided he wasnt going to be degraded anymore!! So this guy has the nerve to ask me" do you want to make an offer on the car for my consideration".....your consideration..i went off!!! I said no way do i want to make an offer we are just gonna get this piece of crap running, it needed a jump, and some air in the tires and bring it back!!! He seemed fine with that. i bet this snake tries to sell this car as is for about 1500!!! Its not even worth 500 if you ask me. Maybe the parts can be sold but the car is a mess!!! Why are these type of people allowed to sell cars..or anything for that matter.??? He ran for tax assesor one year and we had our d.a buddy let him know we would vote him in if he fixed this situation but he wouldnt even do that. He lied about the whole thing. I wouldnt have really voted for him anyway!!!!!
 
Gift above all Gifts!!
12.02.04 (10:53 am)   [edit]

This that i am about to tell ya is the best thing that has happened to me in awhile where my dad is concerned.


He and my mom divorced when i was about 7 or 8. he was and is an alcoholic so i never really had the father daughter relationship with him that i so yearned for and still sometimes find myself doing. Of course i have gone thru the range of emtions when thinking about him. He missed out on  alot of my life growing up and now hes been missing out on his grnadchildrens lives. He didnt make it up here to see kaleb born or even see him. he did come for elijah but that was after being in jail and decideing for a very short time that maybe he would give his life to God in his own way. maybe thats why it was so short!!! He had hepatits c but the docs checked him again and it was gone. they told him they didnt understand why. so this made him think that God had a purpose for his otherwise pathetic life. Hes had like 5 dwis...but in court there only counting like 2 or 3. anyway once i got saved i thought hey what the heck maybe ill try to forgive this man. i mean he has only learned what he saw in his own life as a child to two wild parents.ill give him some slack. i began to accpet that he gave what he could and did the best he knew how. so for the last 7 years that i have been living across the l;ake from my fmaily i have always kept in touch with my dad. even before i was saved. i love him and i cant help it. i always had this strange attachemtn to him and wheneverr he hurt it was like i needed to hurt for him or with him, take care of him, be embarrassed for him etc. dont know why though. maybe its cause i love him so much.


Today he called me!!!!! He called me, this is big. He has never once called me i dont think ever in my life. I was so excited because whenever i leave meassage for him to call me back he never does.  but today he did!!!! He asked if i was sleeping which is was but i lied and said no because i was so happy to hear from him for once. he called to find out what the kids like and what size clothes they wear because he was on his way to go christmas shopping!!!! you know i dont even care if he buys me anything because he already gave me the best gift ever!! Maybe he really does love me somehwere in there. maybe he does know how much he hurt me but cant face it...i hope so!! not that i want him to feel bad or anything it would just be nice to know if he cares or not!!


maybe im too excited over what may be so little of an event. i dont know. right now though it seems big!!


what would be your best christmas gift???
 
Self Esteem
12.01.04 (8:04 am)   [edit]
Hey all !!! Today i went on a feild trip with my son to go see The Polar Express!! Good Movie, what i saw of it when i wasn't asleep...lol!! Anyway i want to referr to what i observed this morning which was heartbreaking and kind of disturbing to me. First i have to tell you all a little bit about my son. His name is Kaleb and he is 5 years old. Just turned 5 in july so he is a "young kindergartener". He is very active her at home and i guess wherever he goes. He loves to explore his surroundings as most children do. He does have a tendency to get hyper and side tracked sometimes. He has a one track mind i guess you say. Well i was worried about him going to kindergarten because i know at home he doesnt listen to me or my husband very well, he runs about, does stuff hes told not to do, tests his limits. is this all normal?? i'm told it is by friends and relatives. Well kindergarten started off good. He adjusted really well in my opinion considering all summer he was adament about not wanting to go to school, ever!! Then after about a month things started looking bad for him. He was coming home with red, blues and twice a black, those are the colors you get if you had time out, loss recess, loss center time or go to the principal's office. The first time he got a black was for triping first gradfers in the hall way while waiting to use the bathroom. i fussed and told him not to do it anymore and he hasnt. I dont know why he got the second black. Well i did have a conference and they wanted me to have him tested for ADD/ADHD, or a chemical imbalance. I've talked to his teacher numerous times to assure her i am concerned and am working with him. The last time we talked she told me, like i didnt know, that he isnt a violent child or bad but he just cant seem to sit still or stay in his desk. She says he distracts the other chidren. Like he is the only one or something. I'm tyring not to be the parent who thinks her child is great and does nothing wrong but i am also not going to just take her every word and use it against him either. Anyway about today...i brought him to school and waited around the front of the class room until it was time to go. She got them seated and all and Kaleb went to a desk in the front of the classroom. All the other kids sit at tables in the middle of the class. I asked him if that was where he sat and he said yes. There was another mother standing there and she said "thats the punish seat". I was like great does that mean my child is always punished here! This really hurt my feelings and made me very angry. T o make it worse when she is addressing the class her back is turned to him and its like he is not even there because she didnt even acknowldge him. I would think this could give him a complex, low self esteem or something. I know he isnt that bad and what doesnt he get another chance to behave or sit still. Does it matter where he sits, is that going to make him be still?? And from what i saw there are many children in that class who do the same thing or worse. So i guess i'm looking for any advice, tips, words of encouragement and most of all how to bring this up to the teacher and the principal  without looking horrible or bad or whatever because i do plan to schedule another conference with them both along with my husband this time!!! Kaleb also went to head start which over here isnt as structured and is more play than anything. maybe this is making it a bit harder for him, i don't know. Kids are kids to me and at this age i believe they are developing social skills and much more and need to be aloowed to be kids at some point. He gets into trouble for talking...when from my experience and times visitng most of the kids are!!